Monday, December 17, 2012

Doorbell Doom

Many months ago, I had a bad week where various solicitors and visitors interrupted naps over and over.

Irritated, I decided to Take Action.

I only wish I'd had the wit to write this when Jeff was first born. I vaguely recall instances of interruptions then, too, but I was lucky to tie my shoes and drive without getting arrested those first three months, so this would have been beyond me.

Initially, I was going for a parody of "Curfew Must Not Ring Tonight." I couldn't get the meter to work, though, and didn't fancy living on the front porch, interposing my bloodied hands between the doorbell and random visitors. 

Now both my babies are toddlers, but they also still nap most days. So far, the poem, now taped firmly over the doorbell, has a 95% success rate. People opt to knock and then, as a bonus, also tell me they like it.

Doorbell Doom

DON’T! –I beg you—ring the doorbell
‘Twixt the hours of ten and five.
Here be babies, maybe napping,
And a mom but half alive.

Whether you are selling cookies,
Peddling better pest control,
Petitioning, repairing roofs,
Or simply seek to save my soul,

Whether you are long-expected,
Or are merely dropping by,
STICK TO KNOCKING!--Else the babies
(Plus their mama) start to cry.

“If you wake ‘em, then you take ‘em”
Is the cardinal rule ‘round here.
Do you court the dubious doom
Of cleaning poopy baby rears?

Though they can’t be napping always,
It’s a risk too great to take.
DON’T!—I BEG you—ring this doorbell,
Lest a baby you awake.

--Gail Homer Berry

1 comment:

Gail said...

Some people have requested a "Single" version, for the mother of one baby, not two.

Boy version:
Change these lines

Here be Baby, maybe napping...

STICK TO KNOCKING!--Else the baby
(Plus his mama) starts to cry.

If you wake him, then you take him... poopy baby rear [singular]

Though he can't be napping always...


Change all the "he" and "him" references to "she" and "her." It should not effect the meter and rhyme scheme.