Monday, May 19, 2008

Best Mommy Moments: January and February, 2008

"Mommy, we are working hard to think about it."
--Danny, stalling for time before committing himself.

Sacrament Meeting is 70 minutes long. If I-derry-keeka is reverent only 68% of the time, how many minutes does he actually hold still?
--A math problem designed to help Eric be reverent during Sacrament Meeting.

Gail: Danny, can I take a picture of you and Bear having a fight?
Danny: [very seriously] No, Mommy! Because I do not want to get into trouble!

--(I was working on Bear's Biography and trying to re-create some famous scenes.)

"Read me that picture, Mommy!"

      ...Danny asked for a story, so I started one about the castle, moving figurines around. "Once upon a time, there were a queen and a knight and--"
      Danny interrupted. "Mommy! I want the cars to be the good guys!" So, fine. I allowed for the anachronistic and highly improbable inclusion of Lightning McQueen and Madir and a host of other metallic creatures. (Whereas, naturally, a dragon, a wizard, and a unicorn are perfectly plausible parts of a castle-related story.)...
      ...So, I started to explain about the mercenary dragon ("Will work for treasure!") and Danny protested and said, "No! He's a good dragon!" And bodily picked the creature up and flew him to inside the castle!
      Now, I am aware of authors who complain "This character has taken on a life of his own and just refuses to cooperate with the plot." But this...was going too far! I had figurines physically picking up and walking away from their assigned positions! Switching sides! Treason, says I!
      I lamented, "Why do people insist on ruining my artistic vision? I don't even accept funding from the NEA!"

Danny: Can I have candy?
Mommy: No.
Danny: Why not?
Mommy: Because I said so.
Danny: [whining] No, different reason!
Mommy: Because I'm a megalomaniacal dictator.
Danny: Oh. Okay.

      I debated turning the delinquents over to the police, but I concluded that 1) they were too delicate for the roommates they'd have in a jail cell, and 2) they were effectively minors who needed parental correction, not incarceration. So I smoothly told the police that it was fine; I suspected someone had just driven my car a mile as a prank...
      ...I lined the stuffed animals up on the couch and paced back and forth, in drill-sergeant style. 'What were you thinking? You could have been killed! Do you have any idea how much a mini-van costs? Do you think that you puny, pitiful stuffed animals could possibly earn $10,000 in your entire lifetime? No? Then wrecking my van would be a sin for which you could never make adequate restitution!!!!'
      (Danny observed the proceedings to make sure I didn't lose control.)

--Gail. I'll leave you to wonder about the circumstances.

"I normally don't allow vermin in my kitchen, but you are so cute, I'll make an exception."
--Gail, feeding cheese to a very adorable Danny-sized mouse.

1 comment:

Carrie said...

I had never heard the dictator line -- that's hysterical!! I'm surprised Danny actually agreed to it, too.