I’m visiting my sister
Carolyn in California for ten days, enjoying a nice vacation from noise and
some quality writing time. It’s marvelous. Hopefully I’m not driving her too
crazy.
Carolyn’s birthday is also
coming up, so she hosted a nerdy game night/party tonight in celebration.
Trying to be a good sister, I volunteered to provide the cake.
The plan was that I would
take a picture on a flash drive, hand it to an employee at a local bakery, and
ask them to print an edible image of it for me. I would then take that sheet of
printed edible frosting back to her apartment, slap it on a sheet cake, and
declare victory. In Texas, I have done that several times at H.E.B., a jewel of
grocery stores. It took 20 minutes to get Eric’s birthday cake image printed,
last September.
So, last night (Friday
evening), I designed a picture. When I did research about getting it printed,
though, I realized that some bakeries might decline to run off a copy of a
Monopoly board, since it might be copyrighted. At first I tried keeping the
problem a secret, merely asking her for general suggestions about how to handle
a possibly-copyrighted image of a game board. (She suggested I do a filtered
search on flickr, and that almost worked, but not quite.)
I gave up and enlisted her
help. “Carolyn,” I said, “I hate to ruin the surprise, but I need your intellectual
property law expertise….” I showed her what I wanted to make, which included
bold geometric designs with lots of red, some text, a Monopoly board, and a
picture of her notes as the Recorder of Deeds the first time I ever played “Anti-Trust
Monopoly” with her, two-and-a-half years ago.
“Monopoly was copyrighted
in 1937,” she said, and then stared into space for a minute, in an eerie trance
of infracranial searching. Then she typed on the keyboard for a minute and
declared, “Here, use this.” She had pulled up a “vintage” Monopoly board and
assured me that this older printing had moved into the public domain though
more modern ones had not. In typical Carolyn fashion, she solved a problem I’d
spent more than half an hour on in a sixth the time. (I’m still unnerved. Who
the heck memorizes things like “Monopoly was copyrighted in 1937?” I knew it was
during the great depression. I could have given you the correct decade. But…
well, that’s Carolyn.)
I pointed out that most
minimum-wage, frequently Spanish-speaking, bakery employees likely wouldn’t
know the difference between an out of print “vintage” Monopoly board and a more
modern one, but I offered that, as part of her birthday present, she could come
with me and argue the point. Fun times!
How do these bakeries sleep at night? I don’t know how the
bakeries in California can live with their consciences. To think that the Bay Area bills itself as the center for bleeding
edge tech, only to be superseded by a regional chain in Texas! We tried six
honkin’ different bakeries today, and none of them could do what I wanted. Even
the ones who would take the job wanted to make the cake themselves from scratch
and get the final result to me on Monday.
Eventually, I pulled the plug on printing the design I wanted. I just bought a sheet cake instead and wrote her name on it. (Badly.)
Here’s a picture of the
cake I designed:
Ah well. Time spent with a sister is never wasted.
(Aside: It was particularly impressive when I looked out the window at a run-down neighborhood of 1970s houses, each about 1000 square feet with small yards, and mused “I wonder how much THOSE houses cost?” -- “Eight hundred thousand dollars,” Carolyn answered promptly, then pulled up a map on Zillow to check. She was spot-on. I’m used to the idea that houses in the Bay Area cost 3x what they do in Texas, but these houses were nasty! I mean, if they were cute little bungalows from the 90s, I might understand it, but these had broken garage doors and peeling paint. Every time I think I’ve adapted, I get sticker shock again.)
(Aside: It was particularly impressive when I looked out the window at a run-down neighborhood of 1970s houses, each about 1000 square feet with small yards, and mused “I wonder how much THOSE houses cost?” -- “Eight hundred thousand dollars,” Carolyn answered promptly, then pulled up a map on Zillow to check. She was spot-on. I’m used to the idea that houses in the Bay Area cost 3x what they do in Texas, but these houses were nasty! I mean, if they were cute little bungalows from the 90s, I might understand it, but these had broken garage doors and peeling paint. Every time I think I’ve adapted, I get sticker shock again.)
I digress. It’s the thought that counts, right? I totally made her life easier by hauling her around to various stores for two hours today. In her car. She drove. What are sisters for? (I did try to do online research and call ahead, which helped to filter out some stores, but it was an imperfect effort. The Walmart 20 minutes south didn’t have a phone extension to its bakery, for example.) All for naught.
But never fear: I had
an Ace in the Hole!
Last night I also contacted
Carolyn’s boyfriend and enlisted his aid in a separate project. My thanks to
Brad Jones for his assistance in editing and making some improvements,
particularly to footnote 7, which is entirely his work. Any errors which remain
are entirely my own; in particular, he recommended that I strike the language
about “British common law,” but I just couldn’t resist.
Carolyn, I know Article III
is inherently more awesome, since it deals with the judiciary, but it really
didn’t work for what I needed. Sorry to relegate you to Article II, instead. And
happy birthday! I loved watching you laugh when you read this. Thanks for letting me crash here!
The Constitution of Carolyn
Article. II.
Section. 1.
The executive Power
shall be vested in a President of the United Nerds. She1 shall hold
her Office during a Term of Good Behavior.2
Section. 2.
The President shall be
Commander in Chief of the Army and Navy of Catan, and of the Military of the
several Warmongering Games;3 she may require the Opinion, in
writing, of the principal Players,4 upon any Subject relating to the
Duties of their respective Offices, and she shall have Power to grant Reprieves
and Pardons for Offences against the United Nerds, except in Cases of
Impeachment.
She shall have Power,
by and with the Advice and Consent of the Guests, to organize Games, provided
two thirds of the Guests present concur.
The President shall
have Power to fill up all Vacancies that may happen during the Recess5
of a Guest, by granting Commissions which shall expire at the End of their next
Session.6
Section. 3.
She shall from time to
time give to the Citizens Invitations to Nerdy Game Nights, and recommend to
their Consideration such Diversions as she shall judge necessary and expedient;
she may, on extraordinary Occasions,7 convene all Houses,8
or any of them.
Section. 4.
The President, and all
Citizens or Guests, shall be removed from Office on Impeachment for, and
Conviction of, Treason, Bribery, Cheating, Incivility, or other high Crimes and
Misdemeanors.
1 Surprisingly, there has been no major test case of this gendered
pronoun.
2 There is no provision for term limits, and Carolyn has held this
position for 29 years. Ronald v. Carolyn (2005) sought to challenge her
President-for-Life status, but was struck down by the Jones court.
3 Recent legislation has enumerated that “Warmongering Games”
includes Risk, Axis and Allies, Twilight Struggle, Seven Wonders, and any board
game which includes reference to a military. Strict constructionists believe
that Settlers of Catan is not a “Warmongering Game” despite the “largest army”
card and the occasional removal of the bandit; a case challenging that
interpretation is currently pending in the lower courts. Still unsettled in
case law are non-board games such as RPGs and LARPs.
4 “Players” has long been considered to include both the singular
and the plural. This understanding of “teams”, which hearkens back to British
common law developed in the medieval period, is especially applicable in cases where
underage children sit on a parent’s lap. See Haupt v. Homer (1981).
5 “Recess” has been defined by statute as “leaving the game early.”
But a plurality of legal scholars believe it could refer to temporary illness
or indisposition.
6 This is generally interpreted
to mean that if a guest leaves in the middle of a game, the President may
appoint another guest to take over game play for the remainder of that specific
game. See Laurence v. Moody (2002). A fascinating case about
recess appointments, involved a mother who left for three turns to deal with
a screaming toddler, and then wished to resume normal game play on her return,
but was told her younger brother had taken over her seat. This matter was
settled out of court in 1999, so the question remains murky.
7 Per statute, “extraordinary occasion” includes such recurring
events as fairly and usefully designated by the Guests to include, but not be
limited to, annual revelries, convivialities, festivities, and frivolities –
particularly those whose occasion are coterminous, but not consubstantial with,
celebrations on the anniversary of one’s birth. See 17 UNC § 107.
8 Though untested, this would seem to indicate
that Carolyn could convene simultaneous nerdy game nights in different
locations, via skype.