Mommiest Moments: January, 2009

Danny, Bear, and some polar bear cousins play in Uncle Ronald's snow cave.

“That wasn't nearly as boring as I thought it would be.”

--Eric, following the first day of home school, which included reading a book and running an obstacle course, all of which he seemed to enjoy very much.

“Eric, I--[pause]...I seem to have lost my audience. Eric! COME HERE!”

--Danny

“You mean they defused her?”

--Danny, after watching part of a Stargate episode where a character was in danger. He used the term correctly, of course.

Mommy: Come for scriptures.

Danny: [plunking down cheerfully] This is like the gathering of Israel! Because we are gathering!

“Sadly and alas...”

--Danny, sighing resignedly. You had to be there.

Danny: [pointing at screen] Look, the computer doesn't recognize that word.

Mommy: You're right. “Papizan” must not be in its dictionary.

Grandpa: [amazed] Did he just recognize that on the computer?

Mommy: Yes. You'll note, however, that he didn't say “Mommy, you misspelled that word.”

Grandpa: No doubt the result of training.

Mommy: I do occasionally mutter, “I hate it when the computer thinks its smarter than me,” yes.

“But Mommy, we never did an obstacle course!”

--Danny, protesting that home school was obviously still incomplete for the day.

Left: Danny runs a hop-scotch obstacle course after answering a grammar question correctly. All messes are our own, and do not reflect upon Grandma Homer's high house-keeping standards.

“It was a real challenge to manufacture a story that involved spying, adventure, cats, Bob the Builder, dueling with swords, princesses, wicked witches, and trains. But somehow I managed...”

--Gail, after telling a mass-market bedtime story to all six cousins, where each kid got to pick one major thematic element. They even liked it and asked for an encore the next night.

“But when will the roundhouse be outpounded?”

--Danny. His toy had been impounded as a consequence.

“I want to read Bear's biography!”

--My birthday present was a hit!

Danny's Birthday Cake. He chose a house to show we were moving.

“LET ME DRIVE THE BUS!”

--Eric and Danny both quoted, loudly, from a great picture book, Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus. It was a birthday present from Danny's cousins.

[I was getting ready to drop the kids off at my sister's house for a week while I went house-hunting in Austin.]

“Danny pounced me at 7 a.m. Saying “It's time to go to Aunt Cheryl's house!” I drowsily reminded him that we hadn't even packed yet. He disappeared and returned a bit later announcing that he was all packed. And, indeed, when I inspected, he had gotten his pajamas, books, stuffed animals, church clothes, socks, and some shirts and pants stuffed into his suitcase, which was parked next to the front door. I think he only forgot his underwear...”

--Gail. This reminded me of how, when Eric was two, he'd ask to go for a walk and when I'd say “Okay, go get your shoes and socks,” he'd scream at me. Whereas when Danny was two, he'd ask to go on a walk, and then he'd run and get his shoes and socks, Eric's shoes and socks, my shoes, Bear, jackets for everyone, and then stand by the front door gesturing impatiently....

Mommy: Now, remember, Aunt Cheryl might do things a little differently at her house, but you need to be flexible and obey her promptly.

Eric: But what if she tells me to do something wrong?

--I told him that if she actually issued an order which violated his conscience, he should have her call me and I would intercede, if necessary.

“Aunt Gail, will you tell us another funny story?”

--My niece, R-. I'm glad that some people (i.e., nieces and nephews) appreciate my stories. As opposed to others (i.e., my own children) who take them for granted.

[The following series of quotes were related to me by Cheryl. They happened while I was in Austin.]

Aunt Cheryl: Eric, help with the clean-up.

Eric: What will happen if I don't?

Aunt Cheryl: You will not...[names a consequence, like missing dessert]

Eric: [musingly] That is not an effective consequence. I need a different one.

Aunt Cheryl: [looks taken aback]

D-: Eric, if you don't help with the clean-up, you can't play with Dad's dice.

Eric: [meditatively] Okay. That is a good consequence. I will help now.

“Aunt Cheryl, what are three numbers where their squares equal 200?”

--Eric, randomly. Cheryl figured out that the the sum of the squares of 6, 8, and 10 equals 200.

Eric: [casually] Aunt Cheryl? Is this...breakable? Even if dropped from a very high distance?

Aunt Cheryl: Well, no, Eric, that isn't breakable, but I don't think it would fit down the laundry chute.

Eric: [feigns innocence with a look of “Laundry chute? Who said anything about a laundry chute?”]

“I am starting to think that you and my Mom do not just have similar dinner rules, but that you are exactly the same!”

--Eric.

[Gail, house-hunting in Austin]

“That's a closet? I could fit a baby in there!””

[next house]

“That's a closet? I could fit two babies in there!”

[Next house]

“Dude! I could fit triplets in here!”

--We offered on the “triplets” closet. I probably could fit three bassinets in the deep-but-narrow space, though it would be hard to navigate with clothes hanging.

Our current and prospective house. Please pray we can close without incident!

[Driving back from Cheryl's house to Grandma Homer's]

Gail: Awww...Danny and Bear are both asleep.

Ronald: How can you tell that Bear's asleep?

Gail: I'm the Mama. I know these things.

Ronald: [looks dubious]

Gail: I'm the one who changed Bear's diapers!

Ronald: Did you really ever...?

Gail: Oh, yes. I have pictures! [pause] And besides, Bear isn't wiggling. When he's awake, he's ADHD.

Danny: Mommy, how do you make potion of healing?

Mommy: You sub-contract with a wizard.

“Weigt x time = distance”

--A pun Eric made all by himself! He should have been doing a different math assignment, true, but still! It is especially cute because he still doesn't have the /r/ phoneme down and pronounces “weight” and “rate” the same.

“Also, 'Wait times time equals distance....or, in other words, are we there yet?'”

--Grandma Homer, displaying her wit.

Gail: I'm impressed! I gave Danny the problem “four times two” and he did two bunny hops down the number line to arrive at eight! He learned the concept so quickly!

Grandma Homer: [deadpan] Bunnies do multiply rapidly.

[Drooling over an amazing castle-builder's website. http://www.castlemagic.com/color.html]

Gail: Oh, this plan is perfect! It's amazing! If only I had $10 million dollars...

Grandma Homer: [looking at the floor plan] I don't see a special guest bedroom for your mother.

Gail: Well, the servant's quarter's are right here...

--Mom actually hit me! Ow!