Saturday, September 10, 2011


After exhaustive research, I have concluded the following:

1. Yes, sleep deprivation is a form of torture.
2. It can't be very effective, since it renders the subject incoherent.

Once upon a time, during dead week, I went most of a night, and then a day and a night and a day, without sleep. During that time, I wrote a huge research paper, rushed it to my professor's box minutes before the English office closed, rushed back to the Institute, and then composed an eight-page political science opinion paper in less than two hours. I even managed to drive home without incident before collapsing. (The papers both got an A.)

A dozen-odd years later, three nights of minimal sleep (plus childbirth) rendered me completely non-functional. I wasn't quite hallucinating, but I was in bad shape. My apologies to anyone I may have accidentally offended in the last week due to my sheer spaciness.

I had an almost-but-not-quite boyfriend in high school who liked to tease me. "She's a national merit scholar," he intoned, "But she can't tie her own shoes."

I have been imagining what he would say in this situation. "She's an English major and a prolific creator of bedtime stories, but she can't fill out a simple birth certificate form." (Or problem-solve an easy carpool issue. Or even write a blog entry.)

Well, rejoice! Last night I actually got some sleep. Even better, I got a long nap today. (Thanks, Jon!!!) I am feeling vaguely human again, and mostly unzombified.

It is my hope that I can begin chronicling the exciting events of the last week...starting tomorrow.

Alas, so much has happened, I will need to take it in parts. That means you have to hear about the unimportant details (like wildfires and home evacuation) before you get to the good stuff (like notes on young Master Geoffrey).

Speaking of sleep, let's check in on other family members. Daddy has been slightly less of a zombie than Mommy, but he's still been exhausted with compromised efficiency. Sam's schedule has been upended and he has been cranky. Eric and Danny have still not settled into their school routine, and keep trying to stay up late at night. Jon has hit on a marvelous solution to this problem: push-ups. Also sit-ups. If they're being too boisterous, he makes 'em do calisthenics in sets until they're too exhausted to party. Brilliant idea!

Jeff has been snoozing just fine. No all-night marathons for him; in fact, he won't even stay awake enough to eat. He's Sleeping Baby and we're the marginalized magic fairies. If sleep deprivation is the universal intellectual handicap, young master Geoffrey is the smartest person in the room.

As proof of his somnolence, I include a video clip of him snoring. This serves both to prove that I wasn't hallucinating when I claimed that he could, and to assuage my conscience for not providing more baby-themed content.

More tomorrow. After another night's sleep.


Carolyn said...

awwww!! Little baby snores!! I want a baby!!! He's so precious!

Brian said...

Why is it only adorable when guys snore in their infancy?...

Lollypop Berry said...

He is so beautiful! But of course all of your boys are beautiful! Maybe I'm just a proud grandmaw but I thank you for the video. I wish I were there to help.

Jon said...

Sleep deprivation stinks. Next time we hire a nanny for a couple of months, starting a week before the baby comes.

Great job, especially under the circumstances! You're an amazing mommy.