Monday, October 22, 2012

FHE Quotes Out of Context

[I have a friend who may have a slightly idealistic view of family home evening. She has said she wishes she could come watch an authentic LDS family night.

Well, it's a good thing she didn't come tonight, because she would have seen wiggly kids, interruptions, disorganization, chaos, distraction, whining, crying, and an hour of time wasted in aggregate. She also would have heard the following quotes, which sound even worse taken out of context.]


1) "Yes, by all means, perform a quality control check between the German and English hymnals. Perhaps you should also, simultaneously, perform a quality control check on the efficiency of FHE music. I bet that MOST families can sing an opening song in under three minutes."

2) "That was Sammy? Wow!"

3) "...welcome to the pedicure spa. I am applying mascara to your toe hair to make it look longer. I hear it's the latest fashion and the girls love it."

4) "How many times have I told you not to leave your feet lying around on the floor? That's disgusting!"




Okay, fine. Yes, I'll provide the context. But only because I like your elevator. I mean, robot.

1) --Gail, frustrated at a confluence of circumstances, including not being able to find a hymn book, plus Eric acting indecisive, dawdling, getting distracted, and disappearing to use the bathroom during negotiations. Just as we settled on me playing out of the German hymnal while everyone else gathered around Jon's smartphone for the English words, Eric started obsessing about minute variations in rhythmic notation. It is typical for opening exercises to take more than ten minutes when Eric is in charge. The quote looks a lot harsher written down than it sounded when I said it. And if you think it's bad, you should have heard all the complaints I swallowed about how long it took to get through family business. *suppressed screaming*

2) --After we finally sang "Joy to the World" as the opening hymn, Sam sat around, playing with Mega Blocks, and humming the melody to himself. It was imperfect, but very recognizable. I thought at first that Daniel had been the one humming.

3) --We were working on our LOTR costumes for FHE. Eric put on a pair of tan socks and I used a permanent marker to draw hobbit toes and hair on 'em. The full conversation went as follows:

Eric: Will you talk to me so I don't get worried?
Gail: Why would you be worried?
Eric: I mean bored.
Gail: Sure. So, welcome to the pedicure spa. I am applying mascara to your toe hair to make it look longer. I hear it's the latest fashion and the girls love it.
Eric: [giggling] It tickles! And that's funny.

4) After it was over, we had six tan socks which looked like hobbit feet, at least vaguely, in dim light, if the seams stayed aligned properly. Boys promptly removed their "feet" and scattered them about, exactly as they would any other pair of socks.


[So, there you have it. Yet another dysfunctional family home evening. If we keep at it, in another ten years, perhaps we'll have something to brag about.]


5 comments:

klwg76 said...

Funny stuff. I can almost see that happening. Comment on my blog?

I don't know if you saw my FB status from Friday, but I got an internship in London in the FSU Library and Student Centre. I will be doing library and IT work. I will be there from the first week of January until the middle of June. I'm so excited!!

Kimberly G.

vcfuller said...

Wow! Funny and entertaining! Sorry i missed it. Always good i think when i can take a Mormon down a notch off of the pedestal that i have put you all on. Makes the goal seem slightly more obtainable. Thanks for sharing! ( now if i cud only that dictionary i need to use when i read ur posts!)

vcfuller said...

Wow! Funny and entertaining! Sorry i missed it. Always good i think when i can take a Mormon down a notch off of the pedestal that i have put you all on. Makes the goal seem slightly more obtainable. Thanks for sharing! ( now if i cud only that dictionary i need to use when i read ur posts!)

vcfuller said...

Wow! Funny and entertaining! Sorry i missed it. Always good i think when i can take a Mormon down a notch off of the pedestal that i have put you all on. Makes the goal seem slightly more obtainable. Thanks for sharing! ( now if i cud only that dictionary i need to use when i read ur posts!)

Jon said...

After FHE, when they had all taken their socks off, Sam asked if it was okay for him to put his "toes" upstairs in his room.