[For
ease of future volumes of Burg Berry Books, I have decided to incorporate more facebook
posts into my monthly blog. There will be much new material here, but my
apologies to facebook followers who read some quotes twice. This space is
primarily for the grandparents.]
“Sippy cup of milk, dry
cereal eaten out of a silicone cupcake holder (with a few cake crumbs mixed
in), orange juice cap. All part of Jeff's wholesome, nutritious breakfast!”
[Above]
Daniel: Bear, let's check your blood pressure!
Bear: Can't...breathe...[he faints as the cuff squeezes all air from his lungs]
Mom: Oh dear. His numbers look awfully low...
--Brook, Eric's fabulous math team coach, is an ER physician. She brought in some equipment for a special science lesson after the regular middle school math group disbanded. She also demonstrated how to check the airway in a realistic model with a nifty fiber-optic scope with a digital display. (She let the kids play with the scope and stick it down the poor mannequin's throat. Kewl.)
When I asked a hypothetical question about toddlers choking on legos the older kids had left carelessly out, I was hoping for a Lecture about the importance of protecting babies from choking hazards, but instead we got a dispassionate medical explanation about the the procedure for extracting artifacts from small windpipes.
It was still awesome!
When I asked a hypothetical question about toddlers choking on legos the older kids had left carelessly out, I was hoping for a Lecture about the importance of protecting babies from choking hazards, but instead we got a dispassionate medical explanation about the the procedure for extracting artifacts from small windpipes.
It was still awesome!
“I have four boys. They are amusing, brilliant,
cute, and so forth. Unfortunately, the alphabet also includes loud, messy,
naughty, obsessive….”
--Gail, in an email, explaining why her house might
not be the best forum for an event.
I spent twenty minutes over breakfast trying to
convince the boys that I don’t actually love reading. Upon their close
cross-examination, I claimed that I kept a library “to be seen of men.” That I
read books in the bathroom because there were no better options. That I had
heard parents needed to inculcate a culture of literacy, so I had read books ostentatiously as a supreme sacrifice, to set a good
example. They promptly impaled me upon the horns of a dilemma: So I had spent
ten years lying to them in an effort to set a good example? Isn’t it more
important to be honest than to inculcate a love of literature? But if I
backpedalled from that stance, it meant I had been lying for the last twenty
minutes—and, worse, that I was losing the argument. Some days a mom just can’t
win…
“Mama!”
--Jeff. At long last! After
three hyper-verbal children, I was getting worried. But in the last week he has
acquired "Mama" and maybe "Uh oh." He's talking! And he's
soooooo sweet. (Also adorable. I never worried about the comparisons there.)
“So, do we punish the kid who made the mess (Sam),
or the kid who left the library door open (Daniel), or the kid who left the
kitchen gate unlatched and the package of waffles sitting temptingly in reach
(Eric), or the kid who is now eating thawed waffles off the disgusting floor
and spreading the crumbs around, making the mess worse (Jeff)?
Daniel: I just can’t get to sleep!
Mom:
[Brutally] Exert yourself.
[Two nights later]
[Two nights later]
Daniel:
No matter how hard I try, I just can’t get to sleep!
Dad:
[Brutally] Practice.
Is it abusive to call my kids “evil mutant monster
children”? Even if they malinger, delay, whine, squabble, shove, disobey, sneer, disrupt, tantrum,
throw pencils, and panic that I was singing ALTO during a hymn, all while
disrupting the talks of two apostles? I feel singularly unspiritual right now…
--We had a regional “stake” conference feed from
Salt Lake. What if I say it behind their backs but not to their faces?
Just survived hauling
two toddlers across a major college campus—in the dark—with one hand—sans
stroller. While dodging distracted teens flying by on bicycles. In the rain.
What productive and/or totally insane things have everyone else done today?
What productive and/or totally insane things have everyone else done today?
2 comments:
Maybe Sam should teach the sword to sing "you, all the people I attack, you are a child of God."
In a couple of weeks, let's see if Jeff can expand his vocabulary to include "Grandma." We can always hope.
About castles, I can hardly wait to show Sam the 3-D puzzle of Schloss Neuschwanstein at my house. Good thing it's ten feet above floor level, though!
Grandma Homer
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