Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Best Mommy and Auntie Moments: May, 2008

"Are the robots okay? Will someone rescue the robots?"
--Eric, watching Star Wars for the first time. (He was callously unconcerned about Princess Leia.)

[The Death Star destroys Alderan]

Eric: [panics]
Mommy: Eric, you understand this is science fiction, right?
Eric: Oh! I thought it was real. [Immediately becomes blasé]

[Danny was interacting with a three-ish-year-old boy in the waiting room of the doctor's office.]
Boy: [Starts to disassemble the lego throne Danny had created for Bear]
Danny: [Using his words!] No, that's Bear's throne.
Boy: [Pauses, shrugs, and then resumes trying to change the structure]
Mommy: [Intervening on Danny's behalf] I'm sorry, but that is Bear's throne. He's the king, and he says that he wants to keep it.
Boy: [Confused] The bear can talk?
Danny: [Nods seriously] Yes, he's a Very Talented Bear.

"What should I do, little Dad of mine?
I want to get ready to dine.

What should I do, Daddy dear?
I shall do it with no fear.
What do I need to do for you?
I do not quite know what to do.
How is it coming, Mr. Dad?
I don't want you to get mad.

I don't know where to put this, man
Please let me do it as like a fan.
Daddy, should I put this in the sink or the dishwasher?
I figured it out, figured what to do.
I now know just what to do.

What should I do to be with you?
I figured it out, I thought a lot
I shouldn't be just like a tot.
What should I do if I want to chow?
I don't want to have to bow.
What do I want to do on a tree?
I don't know what I want to be.
Should I be invisible a tree?

An explosion would occur that would make me see.
I think I know just what to do;
Do not make me throw up, you!
Is a very compsus me
A little tree that I should be?
Now I know just how to chow

Do not be in a little bow."
Eric, inventing poetry extempore. This started while trying to figure out where to put his dirty dishes in preparation for dinner.

"Bear is rueful that he will be in time out when we get to Grandma's."
--Danny, right before embarking on a twelve-hour ride, on
Bear's consequence for hiding and delaying our journey. I pointed out that Bear could be in time out during the ride.

"Yes, but you see, that would be logical and might even make sense."
--Mommy, on Eric's very insightful critique of a plot point i
n The Hobbit. (I can't remember what it was, sorry! We were driving!)

Danny: Mommy, I need the keys to your van.
Mommy: [shuddering] That's eerie. And twelve years premature.
--(He wanted to hide Abby's birthday present in it.)

“I uh dragon! ROAR!”
--Abby, my three-year-old niece, after falling in love with my great “Sophie and the Dragon” book in German. (See a previous blog entry:

"The wicked Witch and Wizard of Doom are creati
ng robots to destroy I-derry-keeka. This is the magical laser gun I created to stop the witch."
--Eric, imaginatively mixing science fiction and fantasy.

Original: "An Gail? You uh An Gail? I uh Abigail! You uh an Gail house? I uh An Abigail house!"
Translation: "Aunt Gail? You're an Aunt Gail? I'
m an Abigail! You have an Aunt Gail house? I have an Aunt Abigail's house!"

"Mommy, if you do a Really Good Job, you will earn a penny. Actually, if you build a big creation, you will earn a big penny, and if you build a medium-sized creation, you will earn a regular penny and if you build a little creation you will earn a smal
l penny."
--Danny, explaining economic realities to his confused mother. I made a big creation.

"Don't break it!...[Pause] [Sigh]...That's okay, Grandpa, because Mommy already took a picture of it so I can rebuild it."
--Danny, magnanimously forgiving his Grandpa Homer for accidentally destroying his lego creation.

Mommy: ...and The Magician's Nephew is about how Narnia was created and how the White Witch got there in the first place.
Eric: Is that a metaphor about Satan, or someone else?

Grandma Homer: Eric, you are six-and-a-half years old. Where were you living ten years ago?
Eric: [looks at her in confusion]
Mommy: Eric, what is six-and-a-half minus ten?
Eric: [does some rapid calculations using his fingers] Negative 3.5!
Mommy: And where were you living when you were negative 3.5 years old?
Eric: [stumbling over his words] At my--grand--at Heavenly Father's house!

"So, whether Bear deliberately ruins your birthday cake, or whether he accidentally sets it on fire, he still has a responsibility to fix the problem, right? That's part of being accountable."
--Gail, speaking at her niece Rachel's baptism.

"When I was seven-and-a-half, I used to torment your Mom. I would follow her around, interrupt her, annoy her friends, and just be obnoxious. And if she complained I would claim, 'But I'm not eight yet, so I'm perfect.' Or 'I'm not accountable yet, so I don't know any better.' I was something of a rules lawyer."
--Gail, still speaking at the baptism.

Rachel: "Aunt Gail, did you really do that?"
My sister Cheryl: Oh, yeesss. She did. All the TIME!
Me: [chagrined] Um. Yes.
--(Of course, now that I'm accountable, I know better.)


Carrie said...

Gail, your children are ADORABLE!!! (And so are the rest of my sobrinos)...did Eric really compose poetry?! That´s scary!!! And...some of these made me laugh so hard I had to explain what was going on to my friend next to me in the computer lab. I´m really sad now that I wasn´t there to see all my sobrinos together.

You know, the most annoying result of your experience when you were 7.5 was that you told Ronald about it, and Ronald did the exact same thing to me (I can´t get in trouble for hitting you, I´m not 8 yet, so it´s not a sin) and it drove me CRAZY!

and I still will never cease to be impressed by your children´s vocabulary. How many other 6 year olds can tell you what a metaphor is, must less adeptly identify one in a story? I didn´t learn that until I was at least...9.

Gail said...

And how many four-year-olds use the word "rueful"?

I taught Eric about metaphors because he's Aspie and he was taking everything literally. (Remember your comment about our highly metaphorical language?)

I think it was a few months ago that I said something about "defusing the situation," which prompted Eric, naturally, to ask what that meant, which led to an explanation of explosives, which led to an explanation of indirect comparisons which create imagery, which then led to him saying "I think that's a metaphor!" frequently. (He's right more than 90% of the time.)

I am very, very sorry that my youthful indiscretions led to your suffering.

I'm glad you thought the stories were funny! For some reason, I thought May and June's crop weren't as good.